I’ll admit, saying the word “rejection” still conjures up old stuff for me.
…That boy that cheated 13 years ago…that job I did’t get when I was 19…that friend that blacklisted me back when I was 14…that time my mum forgot to pick me up from school when I was five
Rejection is too often linked to past experience, and we can make just one case of rejection (as you can see I’ve got just a few in there) mean so much about ourselves. Then we take that meaning into all our future experiences.
Today, I’d love to flip those feelings of rejection on their head. I want to help you understand that there’s some really rad and positive things that can come from a simple NO.
THIS POST is a must read if you are considering a potential career change, starting or building a side business, start a new hobby, or anyone generally looking to create change and deeper connection in our lives (which is typically all humans).
To help you, I’ve broken this post down into three areas:
What NO means in your business
Using NO to evoke your personal power
How to set yourself up for success + deal with the NO’s
What NO means in your business:
+ There is a concept that is often used in sales called “100 no’s” – which creates a game around the process of reaching out to people and expanding your comfort zone. What this process also teaches us is that no makes way for yes. The Yes’s you do get, represent the customers, the clients, the bosses who are actually aligned with your product, skills and passion. Side note: this has been a HUGE game changer for me this year and a super powerful exercise for anyone to try.
+ Similar to this, ‘no’ can be a great marker of feedback to help you refine your message, timing of an offering and discover what resonates with your audience.
+ Remember: a yes isn’t the only indicator you have added value to a person’s life. The very fact that you reached out to offered help or insight to someone, shows there is potential there to solve a problem – which is why businesses exist. Irrespective of whether someone says yes or no, you have likely made an impact on their life in some way.
+ Second to that, I believe the art of connection and relationship building (my new name for networking) in business – especially if you offer is a product or service, has more power than what we give it. In an age where we do so much ‘online’ connecting, the ability to connect ‘offline’ is a rare and respectable quality.
Using NO to evoke your personal power:
+ Vulnerability is an intimate act which leads to true connection – this is the hallmark of an authentic person. The very act of reaching out irrespective of their answer, will bring you closer to people and they’ll see your authenticity.
+ Don’t confuse a ’No’ as resembling a lack of confidence in yourself. In fact, if you looked at the ‘100 No’s’ concept you are connecting with 100 people and every conversation you have will increase your confidence a little notch.
+ A ‘No’ does not always make it about you or mean something about you. In his book The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz notes with respect to Agreement #2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering”
+ Let ‘No’ carry a degree of lightness, fun, flexibility and impermanence. Too often we place a strong emphasis on something “working” or being either a pass or fail, rather than seeing it as a series of experiment’s. Further to this idea, when we feel we have to “have all our ducks lined up in a row” to mitigate the risk of a No, we leave little to chance or possibility, and that Yes you’re after, might not be what you’re supposed to do anyway.
+ We can also use the power of “no” in reverse, to strengthen the power of our own personal mission and boundaries. No has a reciprocal energy to Yes, if you value the power of no – you will become less affected by someone else saying no back.
How to ensure we are supported and set up for success to deal with the NO’s:
If you are new to this work, I suggest starting right here.
Don’t throw yourself out to the lions if you’re still a little tender about a past situation. Now might not be the time to start a game of No Monopoly, instead you might want to consider these two things:
+ Keep up the inner work. I’ve seen a direct correlation in myself, between the amount of inner work I do and my capacity to deal with rejection. I am not claiming to be Wonder Woman invincible, but the more I love myself up, the less I find I’m worried what others think.
+ In my Amplify You workshop, I help women to create a toolkit called “the heart space toolkit” – a list of go-to’s if they need to wash off some bad juju or recoup before they put themselves out there again.
+ Finally, who is on your team? who are your go-to girls? who will pick you up and dust you off when sh&t hits the fan?
